Pushed To The Edge
by Maarkaald
Summary: A fanfic I made when I literally thought I was gonna die - Maark (i.e. me) discusses at length suicide with Vyse and co. Some spoilers. Got a good reception on SOA World


Name: Pushed to the Edge  
  
Author: Maarkaald (AKA MrFsihOfFilth)  
  
Type: 1st – 3rd person suicide drama  
  
Spoilers: References  
  
Parts:  
  
Setting: about a year after SOA  
  
Description: A young man sits on the edge of a cliff… Having been seen by Vyse, the group of three attempt to stop him taking his own life…  
  
  
  
Pushed to the edge  
  
PART 1  
  
I heard footsteps behind me. It sounded like there were more than one person. No matter, it'd all be over soon. I knew that these people had come to try to stop me… But why? Why would anyone bother? It's not as if anyone cares anymore. I haven't got anything to live with, just this immense feeling of nothingness and guilt over the murders I've committed. All my friends either left me a while ago or died when the Rains fell on Valua. My whole family also died then. I fought back tears, wondering why all this has to happen to me. Why is it always me, for the moon's sake?  
  
"Hey, what're you doing?" I heard a female voice coming from behind me.  
  
"What does it look like, genius?" I fired back angrily. I hung my head again.  
  
"Please… Don't do anything hasty now…" Another female voice came.  
  
"And why not?" I asked, "do you even know what I've wasted my whole life doing? Killing for a living. Murdering. And now I have nothin'. So, I'm just gonna end it all soon…" I looked back over the cliff into the swirling black clouds that lead into total oblivion. "Why… why I haven't lurched myself forwards and ended it sooner is beyond my comprehension…"  
  
I felt someone put a hand on my shoulder.  
  
"Come on. You don't want to do this." It was a man who spoke now. I pushed his hand back off my shoulder.  
  
"And how the hell do you know that?!" I fought back angry tears, those type that burn your eyes. My eyes looked more of a damp, pale blue rather than the deep shade they usually were.  
  
"Why don't you want to live?" He asked me again. I turned around. Although I didn't want it to show, it was painfully obvious I'd been crying. The streaks left by tears ran down my cheeks, staining my skin and coat. I knew that I looked absolutely pathetic… but what was new? All I'd achieved in my life was learning to sail a skiff. I couldn't do much in a fight. So, I'd sailed out of Valua once when the Grand Fortress gates opened, away from my life in Upper City that had displeased me so much, and out to freedom. I'd wound up a drifter, with no money, doing "jobs" for people, all of which involved me either shooting an arrow through someone's head of shoving a dagger into their spine. I saw the Rains fall… And then I knew all that I'd loved and left had been lost. It drove me to the edge… and brought me here. Why did these three people have to come now, when I was about to return to blissful nothingness?  
  
The night was deepening. It must have been about midnight. There were no clouds, and I could see many stars, and the yellow and red moons. There were a couple of shooting stars as well… heading to the same place I wanted to be.  
  
"Hey, I don't think I've seen you around before. What's your name?" The man asked me.  
  
"Does it matter anymore?" I replied.  
  
"Um… Yeah, because then we can at least deepen the conversation a bit."  
  
"Fine then," I just muttered, "I am Maarkaald. I was born in Upper City, and escaped that hell hole of a place. Who are you and why are you trying to help me?"  
  
"My name's Vyse," the man told me, "and I hate to see a life wasted when it could be saved instead."  
  
"Hehehe… There's nothing left now. Why should I get up and walk away? Give me one good reason." I looked up a bit.  
  
"You look too young to die just yet." Vyse went on, "Just think… You could accomplish your dreams if you get away from there."  
  
"The only dream I ever had was to get my friends out of Upper City," I looked down again, "But, when I found out all of them were dead… There wasn't anything I could do, was there."  
  
"Oh… If we'd known…" One of the girls said sadly. I pulled myself back from the island's edge slightly, so I could get up, and stood up slowly. I turned around to face Vyse and his friends.  
  
"It matters to me no more. I got over it… but it scarred me so much…" A tear streaked down my face, feeling hot and yet cold at the same time. "I don't care whether I live or die. I tried to find the answer to why I didn't just stab myself years back, but… I couldn't find it." I shook the blade by my side then, "I can't find the strength to do it… So I decided, I'd just let myself fall into the Deep Sky."    
  
"But can't you see how much of a waste that'd be?" The girl with the red hair asked me, "How old are you, Maarkaald?"  
  
"Why does it matter?" I fired back.  
  
"Because we care, because we care…" She had a sad look on her face.  
  
"Fine then… I'm 16. Only just turned that age, too." I forced a wry smile. "And once I learned that I had no more dreams, I came here. Besides, why should you care? You don't even know me." She looked surprised at that.  
  
"We hate to see life wasted, as Vyse said," She told me. I was visibly trembling from the anger I felt.  
  
"Me, Aika and Fina just want to help you, Maarkaald…" Vyse told me.  
  
"No, you don't. You're just like the others. You all hate me." I retorted.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You heard me," I continued, "Every living thing hates me. Everyone has tried to make life even harder… If that's possible…"  
  
"We don't hate you! How can we say we hate you if we don't know you?!" Aika looked startled. I pushed my fringe out of my eyes. The blue-white hair flicked down the side of my face.  
  
"Nothing's ever cared about me before…" I sank to my knees, "And I… I… just couldn't care about myself…"  
  
"That's sad…" Fina looked down. I started to have tears trickle down my face again. I found it pitiful that anyone, let alone world heroes should see me like this.  
  
"Everyone pitied me… You do as well, don't you?" I asked.  
  
"No…" Vyse replied, a tone of helplessness in his voice. My sword rattled as I drew it and ran the blade up and down my fingers. The scar going from the bottom of one eyelid down to my chest was becoming clearer.  
  
"Whoa… how did you get that?" Aika asked me. I simply smiled.  
  
"Fight with some Valuan Troopers," I said, "They said I was trespassing of Valuan territory. So, I tore their throats out with my daggers." Fina's face blanched at this, "But not before one had slashed me here," I pointed to the scar, "It nearly killed me. I survived only because someone who passed by helped me. I don't see why they should've…" I broke off.  
  
"But, Maarkaald, we want to help you," Fina spoke to me now, "What happens if you do this? You never get a chance to right all your wrongs. That's what."  
  
At that my eyes widened, welling up.  
  
"My wrongs can never be righted." I said simply. "The only way to right them is take my own life…" Vyse came over to me and tried to put his hand on my shoulder. I shrugged him off.  
  
"Get off me," I snarled, "You can't do anything to help me. I'm beyond it."  
  
"No, you're not!!" Aika yelled at me, "Just let us help you, we can do it."  
  
"Stupid girl," I taunted, "You could never help me. You're too weak to do anything against my demons…"  
  
"Demons?" Vyse asked. I tapped my head then.  
  
"In here… I've been plagued by mental demons since I was a kid." I explained, "It scars me even now… they tell me that everything that I do is never good enough… I try and try to get them out, but they won't leave."  
  
"Hmm… All you have to do is ignore them." Vyse said to me. My response to that was so colourful that it made Aika and Fina's faces turn pale.  
  
"Whoa… calm down, man." Aika said cautiously.  
  
"You won't damn well tell me to calm down, girl." I said angrily. "I've taken enough orders to last me a few afterlives. Now shut up and get lost."  
  
"What is your problem?!?!" She asked me in an angry tone of voice.  
  
"My problem is you fools thinking that you can help me." I looked up glaring, "I've said this once and I'll say it again. You can do nothing here. Maybe against ancient forces and all that… but not here. Oh no."  
  
"We really don't want to have to make you come away…" Vyse said slowly. I laughed at this.  
  
"You think you could MAKE me step away? Hmm… So, I guess you're not as smart as you're supposed to be. If you try, I'm not the only one who'll be gone." I threatened.  
  
"Okay, okay… Anyway, what's happened in the whole of your life, Maarkaald? Explain to us why you're here now…" Vyse looked at me in the eyes.  
  
"Fine then. I will tell you why I am here… Although I don't know why." I said coldly.  
  
PART 2  
  
"I only remember back to when I was about ten," I started, "And I remember being happy with my friends and money. After three years I saw that it wasn't what I thought of it, so I planned to escape Valua. I told my friends that once I had a passport, I'd come back for them. Most of them told me not to bother, others agreed. I left that city at fifteen… in about a month the Rains came. My whole family and all my friends died." I fought back the bitterness again, "I didn't know until I saw the smouldering ruins. I began to drift then… And that drifting brought me here." I finished with one sentence, "That's all there is to it."  
  
"Is that all?" Fina asked me.  
  
"Yep. Nothing more, nothing less." I replied.  
  
"Well, you've told us what's up now… but that's the past. You can't change that, but you can change the future." Vyse told me.  
  
"Shut up about that rubbish!!" I yelled. The anger and pain in my eyes made me look almost like some sort of animal.  
  
"Come on, Maarkaald. You're going to come with us now…" Vyse said in a quiet tone.  
  
"NO I AM NOT!!!!!" I yelled. I sank back to the floor again, feeling the coldness of the rocks against my hands. My sword shifted over to my right hand, that was used for holding weapons, My sword, a long, thin blade, similar to a rapier but thicker in width, must have been visible because they readied their weapons.  
  
"Come on… Don't make us do this…" Vyse pleaded with me.  
  
"Just leave me down while I separate…" I said back.  
  
"We can't let you do this, and that's why we're trying to help…" He spoke back to me.  
  
"I don't give a damn what you can and can't let me do." I growled. "I make my own rules. I live by no-one else's."  
  
"Just put that blade down…"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"We don't want to fight you, Maarkaald."  
  
"And?"  
  
"Just let us help you…"  
  
"You don't understand me." I replied in a very dangerous tone of voice. I raised my sword so that it was clear I wouldn't let them take me with them. "You're just like all the others, aren't you?" I questioned. "You either want me dead or simply hate me. Now go away."  
  
"We can't let you kill yourself…" Fina said in a tone of voice that should've made me stop.  
  
"NO!!!! I won't let you stop me!!" I screamed out. With that I did something stupid. I swung at Vyse with my blade. He dodged it, but had an angry look in his eyes.  
  
"That wasn't a sensible thing to do…" He said angrily. The look in my eyes was like ice.  
  
"I didn't want to fight you… But you leave me no choice." I said. My fringe was in front of my right eye again, and I pushed it back. I began to step forwards, sword up.  
  
"Don't make us do this…" Aika said to me in a cold tone. I turned around and just looked into her eyes, boring my pain right into her. She raised up her boomerang and began to back away slowly. I felt a large bump on one of my shoulders, and saw a small silver coloured object rebounding off back towards Fina. It came again, but I dodged it, as it passed my head very closely. I turned back and lunged at Vyse, my blade almost flying through the air. He dodged the attack and countered, giving me a small slash across the back of my arm. I saw the blood, and I then knew that I could never return to a normal life. I was embroiled in a fight to the end, with my only way out of either outcome being death. I tried another slash but missed again and received a cut across my back. Boomerang and Cupil tried to slam me repeatedly, missing most times. The large coat I wore protected me some, but not against the cutlass blades. I took slash after slash after slash, but refused to give in. The wounds would never heal, I knew. I tried for another slash, hitting this time, drawing only a little blood.  
  
"Get the hell away from me…" I warned.  
  
"Maarkaald, why do you make us do this?" Fina cried out.  
  
"Because, little girl, you tamper with things you'd rather not. See these wounds?" I lifted up my coat, showing the tattered and bloody shirt and flesh underneath, "These injuries will never heal. I can go out like a wimp, or die fighting."  
  
"But we can help you…"  
  
"No, you can't." I said simply. After looking into her eyes for about ten seconds, a blade came round the back of my neck and pressed against my throat. Another one was against the back of my neck.  
  
"Don't move…" Vyse told me.  
  
"If I move, do I have anything to lose?" I asked.  
  
"You're so blind! You'd have a whole life ahead of you…" Aika told me.  
  
"What good is a life of drifting? I will end this now." I said. With that I kicked Vyse away from me and spun around. The boomerang hit me in the back, and sent me flying backwards. I flipped back up again, and staggered forwards. I heard something coming from behind me… Spinning, I had one of the cutlass blades slice through my stomach, coming out of my back. I looked down in disbelief, seeing a mass of red. I looked up again, my eyes clouding with tears.  
  
"I… told you I would die here…" I said weakly.  
  
"Why did you have to do this?" I was asked. As I slid off the blade and onto the ground, All I could say was "Help… Me…"  
  
I felt a surge of colours, a myriad assaulting my senses. I could see the three who had ended it for me, but nothing else. My mouth was filled with my blood, which stained my clothes and the ground. My grip was loosening. I could feel it slipping out of my hands…  
  
"Thank you." Was the last thing I ever said, and I managed it with a smile. 


End file.
